You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
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