i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
