I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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