My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
