im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
