Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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