Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
