I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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