I've blown a few things in my day
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
