Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
