you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
