Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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