If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
