checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
