the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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