we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
