Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
