Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
