Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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