maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
