I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
