sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
