if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
