Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
