sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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