i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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