Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
