I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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