Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
