Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
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The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
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If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize