I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
