i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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