I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
