I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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