My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
