I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
