you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
