I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
even my farts smell like vagina
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
