yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm always down for nudity.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
