well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
