if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
