That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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