I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
