I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
