...so i touched it.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
