no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
