just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
