Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
