I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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