so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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