i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
