I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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