I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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