He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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