"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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