Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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