i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
