remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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