Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
