i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
