I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
