we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
