So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
