I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
