There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
