I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude i'm inner monologue high
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
