He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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