At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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