Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
