I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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